i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm bleeding and have questions
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
