Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
