everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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