You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
