I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
