oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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