I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
