Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just pee around me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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