forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My vagina is officially offended.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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