...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
