either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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