my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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