I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
