How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
