I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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