I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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