My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm both gender and math confused
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
