I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
