there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
