Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
