One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
