Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
