Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
