i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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