my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
