I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
