why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
