You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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