He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
