I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
