wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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