The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
