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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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