we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
