idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
be right there i have to get my cape
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
