There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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