Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
