I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
