If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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