I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
