you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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