I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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