i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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