Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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