blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
