Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
accomplished twins. life is a go
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
