I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
