He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
