It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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