operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
