You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
