This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
