Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
