I wish I only lived at night.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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