I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
