I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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