If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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