shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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