Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
