What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
