its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
